Faith Based -

Christian Counseling – What is it?

by Larry L. French, MA, LPC, LMFT

A colleague I’ve known many years recently asked me, “Larry, why do you continue to take all these additional counseling courses?” We were having a discussion about me completing level three of Gottman’s marriage counseling training. He went on to say, “You’ve been doing this for more than forty years. You already have a stellar reputation and a thriving counseling practice.” In a way he seemed puzzled that I would work so hard at this point in my career.

It may come as a surprise but our motivation to excel and to provide the very best counseling service comes from a value system that emanates from a Christian worldview. Everyone has a core value system and it shapes our day-to-day living. “What do we live for?” “What gives life meaning?” “Why are we here?” “What’s it all about?”

We want to be more than a counseling service that is “Christian counseling center” in name. And we also desire to be more than just one more mental health counseling group that approaches counseling from an underlying compassionate humanistic stance.

Our desire is to be a reflection of the core values of Jesus in the way he approached his journey through his life. At one point, he was asked, “What is the greatest commandment?” Jesus’ life revolutionized the world. He introduced forgiveness verses vengeance. He introduced respect of each person verses valuing one person above another. He introduced grace and mercy verses legalistic rigidity. (The list goes on and on of how his life was so radical to the culture of the day.) So when Jesus condensed his thoughts down to the one most important thing a person could do in life: “the great commandment”, it makes sense to give this idea some serious consideration. On this journey through life, ever wonder, “What difference does my life make?”

What was this piece of wisdom Jesus revealed to those around him? Some already know what his answer was. Some may think, “Was it the Golden Rule?” Well, sort of, but it was so much more. He said, “Love God with all your heart, soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.”

There are three significant concepts in this statement and they are intended to shape the Christian’s core values. This means understanding that all of life is a gift from God and there is nothing more important in the entire universe than enjoying God and being grateful for God’s mercy to us. And the next two concepts revolve around loving our neighbor and ourselves. In our culture today, many people do not love themselves: they don’t even like themselves! (What a difficult way to go through life – self hatred.) The second principle is the driving force in striving to be the very best at whatever you are or do. That part of the commandment is to “love your neighbor as yourself”.

The age old question continues today, “who is my neighbor and how do I show love for the people that are close to me? Our “neighbor” starts with our family members, and then the ripple effect moves out to other people with which we come into contact (i.e. spouse, children, extended family, roommates, friends, next door neighbors, co-workers, – our customers and for professional counselors – our clients).

Let me tell you a story that better explains how a Christian worldview is instrumental in motivating our staff to strive to provide the highest quality of therapy.

Maybe twenty or more years ago I met an old gentleman farmer out in Western Albemarle County. He was retired from a very successful career as account executive with an international firm. Steve became a good friend and I would go out to his farm from time-to-time and give him a hand with some of the farm chores, i.e. cutting brush, gather and storing hay bales among other work. In our time together on the farm, occasionally we would have some deeper meaningful conversations. One day, in his very thick Dutch accent, he asked me “What does it mean to counsel Christianly?” My first response was to correct how he had incorrectly worded the question. “Steve, that’s not even how you ask the question!” “You mean what is Christian counseling?” He retorted back, “No! What does it mean to counsel Christianly?” We went back and forth and around and around three or four times. I didn’t know what to say. Frankly, I wasn’t completely sure I even understood the question, much less had a half-way intelligent sounding answer.

Some time passed and we had another opportunity to work together on the farm. And sure enough Steve brought up the issue again. With that Dutch accent, he said, “Larry, what does it mean to counsel Christianly?” And now I’m thinking to myself “Oh no, here we go again. Does he have some weird cultural misunderstanding or something? Is old age setting in?” So this time I took a risk and gave him the usual pat answer. “Well, Christian counseling (politely correcting how he phrased the question) would be something like: You’d listen to the person first, then give them some guidance, throw in a few relevant Bible verses and pray for them.” Thinking I had adequately addressed his persistent question, I thought the issue was settled. However, his come back to me was transformative in my understanding about myself and my career as a “Christian” marriage and family therapist.

He answered me with another question. With his disarming accent he said, “Larry, if you broke your leg and you went to a ‘Christian’ orthopedic doctor, would you want him to quote some Bible verses and pray for you, or would you want him to fix your broken leg?” I said, “Well it might be nice to hear some words of comfort from the Bible and to have a prayer – but what I’d really like him to do is to fix my broken leg.” “Exactly!” exclaimed Steve. “You want him to fix your broken leg!”

Hundreds of books have been written on the topic of “Christian counseling”. Most of them address understanding and applying Biblical principles in the counseling process, which is very important. Back to my friend’s question to me, “What does it mean to counsel Christianly?” In summary, no doubt sensitivity to the spiritual needs is important: the incorporation of scripture and prayer when appropriate. Compassion for my neighbor is the underlying motivation to continue to learn and provide the very best care. It is critical the therapist hold an array of essential clinical skills to be able to “set the bone” and ultimately, to rely upon God as the Great Physician – the Healer.